text: Andreea Decean

illustration: Diana Visinescu

 

I have recently noticed that we put a lot of emphasis on women, their rights and their possibilities. Don't get me wrong, this is incredibly good, it shows us the evolution from the time when women had no rights and couldn't work. But like any good thing, it must also have a negative side.

By putting so much focus on women, we started to judge men more and more or invalidate their feelings. Let's not forget, however, that this movement we passionately support, feminism, is about equality. So I thought we'd take a break from talking about women, just for a moment, don't worry, and talk about some of the difficulties and injustices that men face, from the most mundane to the most more serious.

Last November Harry Styles caused havoc by posing for Vogue in a dress. Some loved it, some hated it. Let's talk about it. Make-up, heels and dresses, I tend to think are perceived as the most feminine things and we're under the impression that only women should be seen in public wearing them, which, to me at least, raises questions and let me explain why.

History shows us that dresses, heels and various forms of makeup were not only worn by men, but were originally made for them.

 

The heels

Heeled shoes were first worn in the 10th century as a way to help Persian cavalry better secure their feet in the stirrups of their horses' saddles and to give them stability while shooting their bows. Since then, men's heels have gone through varied cultural meanings: they symbolized high social status, military power, refined taste in fashion and "cool" height. Modern heels were brought to Europe by the emissaries of Abbas the Great in the early 17th century. Men wore them to imply their upper class status; only someone who didn't have to work could afford, both financially and practically, to wear such extravagant shoes.

 

makeup

The earliest historical record of makeup dates back to the ancient Egyptians, who were the first to wear makeup. Charcoal was used to blacken eyelashes and eyelids, chalk was used to whiten the complexion, and rouge was worn on the cheek, and it had NO gender. Men who wore heavy mascara and colored eye shadow were recognized as wealthy, and it was also not unusual for an actor in the 1930s to be Hollywood glam on sets and red carpets.

 

dresses

Only with the evolution of tailoring in the 14th century did bifurcated clothing gradually become associated with men and their masculinity. Previously, both men and women wore draped or shapeless robes and tunics, also academicians and monks wore long robes. I am not even going to go into Scottish history, whose men still continue to wear the very well-known kilts.

Enough with the history lesson for now, I think you get what I'm getting at.

 

Mental health

The American Psychological Association says that when it comes to mental illness, the sexes differ: Women are more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety or depression, while men tend toward substance abuse or antisocial disorders. Psychologist McHugh says: "We know that women are more likely than men to have depression, anxiety and PTSD." It's widely believed that women deal with more mental health issues than men, and I think that's why men are afraid to talk about the things they struggle with. We raised men to believe that crying is feminine and makes you weak, that they should be strong "and grow some balls". I know, I know, it sounds very stereotypical, but let's be honest, how many of you have ever had a guy friend open up about his problems? I don't blame them, honestly, because they grew up thinking they shouldn't do that, and not only that, but there are so many people, who for some reason feel like men's feelings aren't as valid as they are. of women.

 

Self care

More recently I understood that shaving, waxing or taking care of your skin as a man is "gay". What I find fascinating is that we tell girls that they have to go through all these personal grooming processes because it's "unhygienic to have underarm or leg hair" and "you shouldn't have unibrows" and all sorts of repetitive phrases such as. But the moment a man does those things, it's no longer ok, it's hygienic for them to have hair under their arms and on their legs and it's okay if they have a single eyebrow. Talk about double standards.

 

Rape

Moving on to a little more serious stuff, did you know that over the past 20 years, 2-10% of rape allegations have been found to be false, claims a 2010 US study. The huge problem here is that false rape allegations rarely lead to at convictions. A Quartz article by Sandra Newman shows that research by the British Home Office shows that in the early 2000s, of the 216 cases classified as false accusations, only six led to an arrest.

 

Custody battles

Or did you know that statistics show that women are awarded custody of children in almost 90% of all cases. While a bias against men in child custody cases has existed for decades, attorney Emy Cordano explains that, like it or not, culture plays a predominant role in determining child custody. From a cultural and historical perspective, women have always been considered superior parents based on the questionable assumption that babies could not survive without a mother because men cannot nurse babies. That to me sounds like the thing about women not being able to work because they have to take care of children, meaning men can't take care of children as well because they can't breastfeed. In addition to the fact that this is not the only basis for caring for a child, there are obviously situations where the child is no longer a baby and mothers are still favored despite the fact that the above argument no longer applies.

What I mean is, we empower women to do certain "typically masculine" things, but when it comes to reversing the situation, we condemn men for wanting to do "typically feminine" things. I am not trying to argue that we have given women too much freedom of speech, but on the contrary I am arguing that we have fought so hard to have the same opportunities as them and now we are resisting their wishes to have the same opportunities as us, only under the circumstances different.