A cry for help to society

Each of us has at least once heard the term "bullying”, but not many expressed concern or interest in fully understanding its meaning. We would be surprised to learn about the vast roots of this alarming phenomenon, which unfortunately has become an accepted behavior in society and considered "normal". If you ask a person on the street what bullying means, they will confidently give you a vague but predictable answer, frustrating because of the indifference shown: "It's when 2 children fight or are reprimanded by their parents/teachers". Of course, it is a completely wrong statement that reveals the careless way in which the world treats him, as well as the conceptions attributed to him. In reality, people's perspective is a harmful one that has facilitated the spread of bullying throughout history.

• What does bullying actually mean?

Initially introduced in 1905, bullying is defined as hostile behavior/exclusion and derision of someone, humiliation, undertaken by a single individual/group and which is repetitive, resulting in the victim's discomfort, respectively the satisfaction of the aggressor. Surely every person has experienced at some point, perhaps without realizing it, the phenomenon of bullying, either as a direct victim or just as a witness. It is inevitable, which makes me wonder why bullying is such a commonplace attitude in everyday life that the number of people who condone it continues to grow. In this regard, here are some of its main forms:

• Types and manifestations

-verbal aggression - direct (insults, labeling, public humiliation, etc.)

-verbal aggression - indirect (spreading rumours, blackmail, nicknames, etc.)

- pranks / bad jokes - verbal or physical ("pranks" as they are known in lb. English)

-cyberbullying: online aggression (letters or video-audio files)

-selective social exclusions/inclusions (e.g. removal from a group or inclusion based on strict, subjective and contextual criteria), including social conditioning or selective choice of friends (e.g. if you want to be friends with me, you can't be friends and with X...)

- direct physical aggression (pushing, hitting, spitting, coercion of any kind, etc.)

- physical aggression - indirect (destruction of personal property)

- direct intimidation (e.g. through threats, manipulation, ridicule, etc.) and the generation of fear

• Bullying in the 21st century

Currently, this phenomenon is spread all over the world and can be found in all areas, regardless of age, social category, gender, geographical area, etc. It is indispensable in our lives, so it intervenes in the way we relate. For this reason, bullying affects everyone involved, and the main environment where bullying can be seen is indeed the educational one. 

• Consequences: chronic sadness, self-doubt, depressive episodes and nightmares, marginalization, loneliness, withdrawal from friends or activities, knowingly inflicting physical injury, worry, upset, or frequent emotional/mood swings (eg, easily irritable), loss of optimism and of hope, suicide (the most tragic scenario).

• About aggressors and victims. The psychology of the two extremes

What exactly turns a man into a bully? What is his motivation to become (and remain) not just an occasional bully, but a permanent harasser?

The aggressors (bullies) are created in time – they are not born that way. Somewhere in their life, they have suffered inner trauma, been deprived of love/attention, or simply been taught to do so. However, there are also external factors such as obtaining benefits, social, emotional or even material advantages. Thus, against the background of the internal imbalance I mentioned and the feelings of control, power and influence, the people categorized as bullies have a pattern according to which they "work". They especially target shy, withdrawn, insecure people, less likely to take a stand and protect themselves, defend their rights or the things they own. In short – they want some easy targets. 

• Popular misconceptions about bullying

1. The most common mistake is to refer ONLY to children and young people, implicitly ONLY to the school as a space of propagation. Bullying occurs everywhere and can be based on age, gender, occupation, education, religion or anything else. The most common situations are:

• at work, through competition, conflicts and confrontations (direct or indirect) are sometimes generated, some of intimidation, others of domination, exclusions or selective social inclusions (based on certain criteria, many of them subjective), etc. 
• politicians are always trying to intimidate and dominate each other, spread rumours, directly or indirectly attack other people – and not only are they allowed to, but the world actually expects them to do so. 
• selective exclusion from groups is the order of the day in organizations or clubs that accept only their members, exclude the rest of the people; including at the global level, such exclusions are applied – countries having their own citizens, set aside the rest (even those in the immediate vicinity, geographically speaking), imposing strict conditions on them to relate, visit, access or officially join the status of “citizen of country X”…

2. The difference between teasing and aggression must be clearly recognized, because there is a limit to the so-called "harmless jokes", and if it is violated, teasing automatically becomes a form of bullying.
3. Considering the victims as responsible. In most cases, the bullied did not even address their aggressors in any way.
4. The idea that the aggressors are foreign individuals, who "probably have good reasons"...NO! Such behavior cannot be justified. Most of the time, the bullies are close family members or entourage. 

• Solutions to combat the phenomenon

The globally adopted strategy consists of 3 steps: rescuing victims, rehabilitating perpetrators and securing schools/campuses/communities.

• Personal experience and conclusions

Bullying leaves its mark on the personality of each person it attacks and it is extremely difficult to overcome the gaps created. Wound healing takes time and there are countless ups and downs in the process. I know from my own experience what it's like to be mocked for your physical appearance, for those few extra kilos, to be underestimated and discouraged from fulfilling your dreams because "you're a girl", to be looked down upon for small perfectly normal imperfections and so on. All I can say is NEVER GIVE UP! Learn to appreciate yourself, to accept yourself, to be YOUR biggest fan, because anyway the mouth of the world will always speak. Life is entirely yours, so choose to love yourself, be happy, and live your life to your heart's content.

Why spread malice, pessimism and hatred when you could infect those around you with positivity, joy and comforting thoughts? Try it, it's a free gesture and you never know when a simple smile can save a person. Let's not forget the beauty of kindness, empathy and mutual support! :)))

,,Kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see" - Mark Twain.

Sources:

https://www.aikiseishin.ro/blog/bullying/