text: Gabriela Dinca

illustration: Cristina Radoaica

  Living in a society that influences us to focus on the idea of finding happiness and achieving unrealistic standards of a "perfect" life, we often forget to pay enough attention to our emotions. Pleasant feelings are easily accepted, and those considered unpleasant are often judged, ignored and invalidated both by ourselves and by others, which pushes us towards emotional invalidation: "I shouldn't feel this way", "What I feel is not so important".

Emotional validation involves understanding a feeling, accepting it as normal, and realizing that it is not at all wrong for it to exist. Whether we're relating to ourselves or what someone else is feeling, invalidating our feelings can create more discomfort than the initial unwanted feeling. Dismissing, ignoring, and minimizing feelings does not help comfort them, nor will they make them go away, because they exist to draw attention to an emotional need or hurt. 

     Why is it important to accept every emotion? Because affirmative answers are warmly received and have positive reactions. In addition to the fact that they contribute to increasing self-confidence and building understanding between people, they help to reduce the intensity of negative feelings. Accepting how we feel is an essential step in trying to change our mood. Thus, communication between people plays a significant role when we want to explain what we feel. Understanding someone's emotions, agreeing with what they feel, and showing compassion when someone talks about their condition are simple things, but full of meaning for someone who is suffering.

     So how can we properly validate feelings? Addressing a series of affirmations is a frequently used and effective method of showing our self that we accept what we are feeling. "It's normal to feel this way", "Anyone would feel the same in this situation" or "What I'm feeling right now is normal" are the most common statements that people can use to validate their own feelings. Encouragement is also recommended to show understanding and support towards oneself. In terms of validating someone else's feelings, in addition to affirmations and encouragement, it's essential to explore the other person's feelings and thoughts, show empathy to understand the emotional reactions they evoke, and show that we are able to listen without judgment to what is being said. 

     The most effective way to validate a person's emotional experience, or even our own, is to communicate and understand that each feeling is motivated by certain circumstances. We don't have to agree with the situation or the attitude expressed, but just accept the fact that that feeling exists.

 

Sources:

https://cronicadepsihologie.ro/validarea-si-invalidarea-emotionala/

https://mindeducation.ro/validarea-emotionala-resursa-valoroasa-pentru-gestionarea-emotiilor-neplacute/