text: Irina Voiculescu

illustration: Larisa Petcut

"Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things pass"

How is it at the psychologist? Does it help you with anything? What does it tell you there?

These are just a few questions that I hear almost all the time when I tell someone that I started seeing a psychologist. I think every experience is different and we all perceive things in our own way, so all I'm going to say is my strictly subjective opinion on something I've decided to continue for almost a year already.

We are an evolved society, educated in certain issues, more open than in the past, yes, but some topics, we know too well, still remain taboo. Although recently going to a psychologist has gained some popularity, it remains for many people an extreme solution, or, on the contrary, something completely useless, which is precisely why opening this topic can become uncomfortable.

When you refuse from the start the idea of asking for help, the cause may be insecurity, denial of feelings or perhaps shame and fear generated by the reaction of those around you, coming from the image that society in general presents: vulnerability is a weakness that must remain hidden. If the reason is the latter, then stereotypes become, again, a problem for us and our psyche, and we don't want to let that happen. At the same time, when you hear left and right that the psychologist is not helping you at all, this can succeed in implementing in our minds the idea that we are already a lost cause (spoiler alert: we are not). 

For me, talking to a professional about my issues was one of the best decisions I could have made and something I needed a long time ago.

Before I start talking about my experience, it's important to mention that maybe the first person you go to won't fit your needs, and that's something many people struggle with; the therapist has to be right for you, someone you resonate with, and if that doesn't happen, you simply look for someone else.

For a good period of time, even a few years, I chose to ignore my feelings, to imagine that everything was ok until it became so. To be honest, this tactic worked for a while, but in the long run it turned out to be very wrong. I reached a moment when it was already too difficult to cancel my feelings and it was as if they all gathered in a "ball" that I understood that I could not handle alone.

People close to me generally supported my decision. Although my parents and grandparents were a little skeptical at first, if I ask them now, I know they are convinced that I made the right choice. Recently I have also received positive opinions from those around me; that I look more open, that I look better.

The positive feedback, while appreciated, didn't matter as much as my conclusions do, looking back on myself now. And this brings me to the first reason why I recommend going to a psychologist:

1. I learned to analyze my feelings, know myself better and untangle

As vague and cliche as it may sound, what helps me a lot is identifying what I'm experiencing, or how certain situations make me feel, why I feel a certain way on a given day. Questions that, before, it didn't even occur to me to ask. I also tend to document them in writing, in the so-called journal that you're probably already tired of hearing about, but it can become a very good source of discharge when self-knowledge is also needed. If you don't feel motivated to open it, the notes on your phone are just as good an option; plus it's fast and handy.

2. After one session, I feel like a part of the burden has been lifted from my shoulders

There is something very therapeutic about sitting for an hour in an armchair and venting, complaining about everything that happens in your life, even if it's small things, the beauty is that in that moment no one judges you. And at the end of each download, you can get a solution, or think about what you could say to yourself in situations like this, how you can console yourself, or a simple "I understand!" which sometimes is all you need. Then you leave the cabinet and leave everything behind, because now everything seems, in a way, settled.

3. Complicated problems, simple answers

If you are an overthinker, like me, you have most likely faced very often the moments when you complicate situations far too much, or you give far too much importance to negative feelings than they deserve. A psychologist doesn't put ideas in your head, he helps you find solutions from somewhere deep in your mind. When you are constantly shown that things are not as scary and overwhelming as they seem, it is as if the fears, stress and negative thoughts become smaller. 

Now that I have answered the first two questions in more detail, only the last one remains, where I would say: "He tells you what you need to hear, not always what you want to hear". 

I could sit in front of the computer and write pages about everything I've learned in therapy and try to apply in everyday life, but I'm aware that I still have a lot of work to do and that the best way to learn it's living on your own. 

So, if you feel overwhelmed by situations, if you want to talk to someone objective, who is there to listen and help you, maybe a visit to a psychologist wouldn't be such a bad idea. Options range from lower-priced sessions to internet referrals to school counselors. It all starts with the courage to ask for help.