interview by Irina Voiculescu

I am a person who parades through the world, without hiding, with a big sign that says "I have a work in progress„.

Diana Wolf

In preparation for a new edition of an important and very dear project to us, "HerWebinars Winter 2021", we have taken care to gather together topics of interest, which will bring the community as diverse and, we hope, helpful information. Of course, we could not achieve the desired result without the right people to pass on the "secrets" learned in their career and experience.

In this article we will get to know Diana Lupu better, the speaker with whom we will open the webinars and who will talk to us, on December 6, about perfectionism in professional life.

Diana is a psychologist and psychotherapist, specializing in family and couple psychotherapy, as well as adolescents. You will not find her only in the office, because she is also active online, where she passes on the things she learned from her experience as a psychologist on her Instagram account and by getting involved in various projects and campaigns, such as Love is Fun but Complicated, ALEG association, #PsihoDiscoveries; all this and more to ensure that what he has to say reaches as many people as possible and helps as many people as possible. 

I asked him a few questions about life, career and a little of the topic to be covered in the webinar. The answers given were more than what I was looking for and I can say that every time I re-read them I am left with a smile on my face and a feeling of well-being. I leave the interview below in the hope that it will have the same impact on you.

Q: To begin with, can you tell us something about yourself?

A: One of the questions that I will keep thinking about because something always changes. But what I think is important to say about myself now is that I am a person who parades through the world, without hiding, with a big sign that says "I have a work in progress". And that seems human and beautiful to me, a mental anchor that I carry in my therapeutic practice with teenagers, young adults, parents and couples.

Q: Why psychology? How did you know that psychology was the path you wanted to take in life? Was there anything that caused you doubts? And if so, what?

A: It's a story that, every time I remember it, comes with the feeling of nostalgia. Starting with the 5th grade, I faced a series of adaptation problems in the new team, and luck meant that the school I was studying at also had a school psychology office where we were encouraged by the director to go . Thus, I met the psychologist Cristina to whom I decided to go on a day when I felt quite disoriented and it seemed to me that even my mother's advice was no longer helping me. When I left there, on my way home, I felt like I was floating, that I was understood and that I wasn't a weird kid. Then I said to myself that I wish I could make people feel that way too. From then on I knew I wanted to be a psychologist.

Q: How did the expansion into the online sphere begin?

A: It started with a lot of fear of exposure and the question "Should a therapist do this?" . I took the step to expose myself following the example of my mentors, who had already started to transmit valuable information online. I think it is a responsibility that we, therapists, have to facilitate access to information or to open doors of thought to people, even outside the office.

I started timidly with quotes from writers and researchers in the field, with the show Love Is Fun at A List Magazine by Andreea Esca where I spoke for the first time in front of several people, with book recommendations, and then with the weekly column #PsihoDiscoveries on the Page of Psychology. From here I managed to build a great community, projects and initiatives that I contributed to with love.

Q: What did this step/change represent for you?

A: First of all, the feeling that I am involved in the community has increased even more, and then, the fact that I have adapted my definition or better said the conception of what it means to be a therapist in the time we are in. It is a context of exposure that sometimes comes with discomfort and fears, but also with valuable feedback from people.

Q: To get a bit into the topic of the upcoming ui webinar, do you think a dose of perfectionism is helpful, or is it something that can cause more problems?

A: I am also a perfectionist on the road to healing, so I always take time to think when I receive questions in this area. The basis of the conclusions I drew from the practice experience are the life stories in which I did not meet a single person who spoke to me about happiness, general well-being with one's own life, success or the will to live, due to the fact that it is perfect or that everything went perfectly. 

Instead, I came across success stories where people they allowed themselves to know themselves and accept themselves as they are – imperfect.

Q: The desire to achieve standards of perfection usually develops from school, then at work, in personal life. How do you think the online school period has influenced this?

A: I think that time is still needed to observe the effects of the new context to which we had to adapt, but what I notice at the moment is that we have learned far too little to know, understand and manage our emotions, and that it can be closely related to anxiety states and the need for control that comes with perfectionism.

Q: Still, many people consider going to a psychologist something unnecessary, or an extreme solution. How do you see this issue and how do you think it should be addressed to give people more openness and confidence to take this step?

A: It's an area where I feel change lately. I say this because I see more and more activation from us, therapists, NGOs, publications, Instagram accounts, and the list goes on. It is not an easy road, but the fact that information in the field of psychology is becoming much more accessible to the general public is an important step in correctly informing this perspective. What remains to be said is to be constant in the work we do – this is one of The ingredients of change.

Q: How have you managed to manage your time and not get overwhelmed by all the projects you are involved in?

A: And here, like many others, I consider myself a work in progress that I am learning to welcome into my life with open arms. At first it took me a few episodes of Burnout, helplessness and frustration. I tried to look at all of these as learning experiences. So what I set out to do and intend in organizing my time was to identify my needs and start setting healthy boundaries to respect them. I started to say not, and this led me to realize that I have a choice in every activity in which I am involved. At the base of it is my pleasure and desire to do that thing. Simply put, I put the MUST down from my arms.

Q: I saw a post where you talked about the birthmark. As an encouragement to our female readers to appreciate their unique features more and have the courage to talk about their insecurities, can you tell us something about this topic? (stories that connect you to him, or conclusions you reached on this path of self-acceptance)

A: Birthmark has long been a touchy subject for me, especially as a child when most kids my age (and that includes me) didn't understand interpersonal differences. Thus, I set out on the road with the desire to hide it, more specifically, with shame. Then came the period of adolescence, when the desire to be accepted in a group intensified and so did the perception of this distinctive sign. I think what helped me a lot in the beginning was the close group of friends who never once asked questions or felt like they looked at me differently. But the real appreciation, which I alone managed to give myself, came when I left for college, far from my loved ones. Then the birthmark, which my grandfather also has, turned into an oasis of beautiful memories, like a portal that sent me, in moments of longing, to the bosom of the family. 

Now there is a constant reminder of the fact that beauty and personal growth comes from the things we initially see as imperfect.

Q: A final thought for readers/motto

A: I'll leave here the quote that stuck with me from the first moment I discovered it in Brene Brown's writings:

It is not the critic who is important; nor he that shows how the strong man stumbles, or that tells how he who does a thing might do it better. Praise be to him who is in the arena, whose face is covered with dust, blood, and sweat; to him who fights with great courage; to the one who fails again and again, because there is no effort without mistakes and shortcomings; to the one who strives to do everything that needs to be done; to him who knows enthusiasm and devotion, and who devotes himself to a cause worthy of praise; to the one who, in the end, knows, in the best case, the triumph of a great achievement, and in the worst case, if he fails, at least he fails by proving a boundless courage...

From Theodore Roosevelt's "Man in the Arena" speech