text: Stefania Gheorghe

illustration: Cristina radish

Since I was little, I grew up in a house with three women. My mother, my sister and my grandmother. All three being completely different people and giving me different patterns. This letter is more about two of them, my mother and my grandmother. That's because my sister occupies a distinct place when we talk about the impact on me. 

I learned from my grandmother the classic model of a country woman, over 60 years old. He had never worked in the labor market, that's because the times didn't allow it. He worked at the collective, and although I never understood exactly how it worked, I know it was a place that did field work. He raised two children and two granddaughters. He worked a lot in the garden. She was religious and went to church. She worked until her last day of life. He could not be seen doing anything else. However, although she was quite active, I never thought she was a happy woman. Her husband, my grandfather, never (at least not in the 17 years I was present) gave her love or affection. On the contrary, they shared bad words with each other and I witnessed the violence between them. 

My mother is a woman who dedicated her whole life to her children. Her career and her time stopped when we showed up. She has told me countless times that I am selfish because I see what she has done with critical eyes and because I don't want to be like that. She's been working since she was 18, has a husband and two kids, and I like to think she's raised us really well. She is insecure about herself and her powers and is afraid of the unknown. 

Mommy, Mommy,

I promise I will do things differently! I promise I will never turn a blind eye to abuse. I promise to be the voice you have lost or didn't know you could use. I promise to respect and love myself. It is difficult to do this when you are still at the age of change, but I work a lot with myself. I promise to be a strong woman. I promise to be a "modern mom" who can have a career, even if she has a child. I promise not to let society put labels on me. The ones received from you, denoted a "rebellious child". How could I let them label me?! I promise to be sensitive and allow myself to be wrong. I promise to find someone who appreciates me at least half as much as I appreciate myself. I promise to trust myself at all times. I know how you raised me and I know I am capable of great things. I promise not to be afraid of anyone or anything. I promise to do things differently than you did them, for you!