Surely many of you have once found someone, you liked them, you decided to hook up, and after a period when you noticed certain negative changes in the relationship, you asked yourself the question: "Am I in a relationship?" toxic?". Well, many women and men have gone through such toxic love, family or friendship relationships without realizing it, as they can sometimes be hard to identify. Relationships, by their two-way nature, require involvement and adaptation, each partner gives more, gets more involved. Relationships are not perfect, but they must aim for harmony and balance. First things first!

         What is a toxic relationship?

         A toxic relationship is any type of relationship that is unfavorable to both you and others around you. This hides a lack of self-confidence and a relationship of dependence on the partner. A toxic relationship does not always involve violence, but on a psychological level, there is still an abused-aggressor relationship, sometimes it is mutual. The aggressor attacks through a sense of self-blame and culpability, and the aggrieved subconsciously develops insecurity and guilt, becoming trapped in a vicious circle.      

          How do you know you're in a toxic relationship?

           Most of the time you can be in a toxic relationship for a long time without realizing it, and it even seems normal to you that your partner is very dominant and you sacrifice yourself so that things "work out" it goes". Maybe you come from a family with principles like "relationship requires sacrifices", "the woman always gives in", which, being stubborn at the level of faith, you consider them natural. In fact, in a relationship it is not about sacrifices nor about giving in, true partners with sound principles will tend towards balance, balance between giving and receiving, balance of mutual acceptance, compromises. "Every relationship has a level of toxicity. Nothing is perfect, there is always room for better," said Ginnie Love Thompson, an American psychotherapist. But when toxicity gets out of control, that's when problems arise.

             What are the signs of a toxic relationship?

              Toxic relationships can sometimes be hard to spot. But there are some behaviors that obviously go beyond measure, such as any kind of physical, emotional, verbal or financial abuse. Other signs are much more subtle, but just as problematic. Here are what psychologists consider to be the main signs of a toxic relationship:

1. The partner never takes responsibility
2. Don't take care of yourself
3. The partner "puts you up against the wall all the time"
4. You feel exhausted
5. Your partner always gives you constructive criticism, even when you ask them not to
6. Your partner never remembers your schedule
7. He always blames others for his problems
8. Your partner is super competitive
9. You feel like you're doing all the work in the relationship
10. You always make excuses for his inappropriate behavior

               Of course, in toxic relationships, all kinds of different behaviors occur, sometimes being quite hard to notice, while at other times, it even goes as far as physical and verbal abuse. You can look at them as an unnatural relationship role-play: manipulator-manipulated, aggressor-aggressed, and a common denominator: addiction as an emotional void, as a lack of self-love.  

                Types of toxic personalities:

1. the humiliating- this type of toxic individual will make you feel worthless, incapable, and humiliated constantly and will make fun of you, his goal being to gradually lower your self-esteem so that you can't question his absolute control in the relationship.
2. the angry- control by intimidation is a classic behavior of a toxic partner, often these people have an unpredictable and easily triggered temperament; this constant state of vigilance and inability to premeditate an angry outburst damages both the emotional and physical health of the "victim".
3. the accuser- the accuser's control triggers your guilt every time you do something he doesn't like; as with all toxic behaviors, guilt induction is designed to control your behavior so that your toxic partner gets what they want.
4. Dramatic / Hysterical- if you've ever tried to express your annoyance or anger about a particular problem or event and somehow your partner found a way to blame it on you and totally overreacted you're dealing with a dramatic/hysterical person; often, instead of comforting yourself, you comfort your partner, and even worse, you consider yourself a selfish person for bringing up such an upsetting topic for your partner.
5. the passive- strange as it may seem, one method of toxic control is passivity taken to the point where you have to make the decisions for your partner and take care of the relationship, with these toxic "controllers" wanting you to carry out any decisions for them If you are involved in a relationship with a passive "controller", you will probably experience constant anxiety and/or fatigue because you have to make almost every decision yourself.  
6. the selfish- this person often hides their toxic controlling behavior by directly asserting "independence" and will rarely follow through on their commitments; the most painful aspect is that you will never feel safe in a relationship with this type of toxic character, and the anxiety you feel in such a toxic relationship can gradually deteriorate your emotional and physical health. 
7. profiteer- the profiteer - especially at the beginning of a relationship - often seems to be very nice and kind as long as he gets what he wants from you; what makes a relationship with a profiteer toxic is the possibility of only one scenario: you will never give enough effort in the eyes of this partner, and they can leave you at any time if they find someone else who will do more for them. 
8. The Paranoid / Possessive- at the beginning of the relationship with such a partner, you can appreciate his "jealousy" especially if you don't feel extremely controlled; most possessive partners will say that once the two of you are married or in a serious relationship, the jealousy will stop and they will feel calmer, but it will gradually increase.

                What can you do to heal or get out of a toxic relationship?

                 When you realize that your relationship is toxic, it's good to start taking a stand because at some point things will degenerate much worse. But if you still choose to continue in such a relationship, it is important to make a list of pros and cons in your mind. The bad news is that you won't be able to change your partner. The good news is that you can work on yourself, which may cause you to behave differently with your partner, and as a result, your partner may choose to change their behavior. Essentially, toxic behavior must be confronted calmly but firmly. Do this by identifying your partner's behavior, stating that it is no longer acceptable, and suggesting alternative behaviors that would work better.

                 You must truly understand that you deserve to be treated with love, compassion and respect in any type of relationship. If your partner refuses to change and the behavior persists, leave the relationship. It is much better to go through a painful process of several months (caused by the breakup), than to stay longer in an increasingly harmful relationship, both physically and mentally. The thing to remember is that no matter how bad your partner feels afterwards, if you have been physically abused, you need to separate from your partner immediately, because once they hit you they will continue to do it repeatedly.

Sources: https://www.pov21.ro/2019/10/16/de-ce-alegi-sa-ramai-intr-o-relatie-toxica/?51838&gclid=Cj0KCQjwvYSEBhDjARIsAJMn0lj1A4uV0O3YYAUnqjH8tI92m8MEqM1GcG490KOPq3YwI0p_eGEfRloaAsOjEALw_wcB

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